What women want (!)


There is no sure fire way of making a woman fall in love with you but there are things that men can do that can dramatically improve their chances with most women.

Although it is impossible to generalise it seems that there are three key things that women say they want, whatever their age or background. Here we look at what they are and why they are important.

Time and attention
One of the most precious things we have in life is time. When dating everyone wants to feel that their date is happy to be spending time with them and would devote more of their time to developing the relationship if they could. Men have a tendency to structure time and like to plan activities to do on dates but may forget to put effort into developing the relationship outside of the dates. Even if you can’t physically spend more time with her let her know you would like to if it was possible. Take time to send her messages or texts or to follow up on things you talked about on your dates – however you do it try to show that you think about her when she is not there and that you are investing time and effort into the relationship.

There is little point in spending time with someone if your attention is elsewhere. The majority of women are very happy for their partner to have lots of outside interests so long as the time they are together his attention is on her. Pay attention to her and her mood and let her know if you notice she seems a bit low or particularly cheerful. Comment on how she looks and notice if she has changed something, she will appreciate your interest.

Men and women communicate differently. Men tend to communicate for the purposes of sharing information while women are more likely to talk to form close bonds and intimacy. One of the common mistakes men make is to think that when a woman is telling them about a situation that she is asking them to help her fix it – this is not always the case. Practice listening without formulating a response in your head while she is speaking. Instead of jumping in with a solution maybe ask her questions about what she plans to do or relate a similar experience you have had and how you dealt with it. By doing this she will feel validated and supported by you and her connection to you will become stronger.

Active listening is an art that can be practiced – being able to repeat back every word someone said isn’t a sign that you are actually listening because around 80% of our communication is non-verbal. A woman may be trying to communicate a lot more than her words are actually saying. Take notice of her mood, body language or the tone of her voice and respond to these as much as the actual words she says; follow up situations she has told you about a few days later and remember the names of people who are important to her. Women want to be listened to and understood and these simple acts of good communication will go a long way towards giving her what she wants.

Women often complain that they don’t know how a man is feeling and they want to know – particularly they want to know how he is feeling about her; what his preoccupations are and they also want reassurance that the relationship is going well for him. Don’t be shy about expressing your feelings. Tell her the good parts of your emotional life – how she makes you feel and what it is you love and appreciate about being with her. Share the more difficult parts too – let her know if you are having a hard time with work or family and give her a chance to be an emotional support to you – this is how women built intimate bonds and she will build one with you if you open up and let her in.

Be generous and honest with your compliments remembering there is something very attractive about knowing that you are attractive to someone else. Avoid going over the top because she will think you are insincere, she doesn’t want an adoring puppy but a passionate, loving man who isn’t afraid to show his feelings and leaves her in no doubt about how important she is to him.

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