Why you’re always getting dumped
If I had to guess at how many times I’ve been dumped, I’d say it’d be close to the amount of inappropriate comments Karl Stefanovic has said on the Today Show. That is to say: a lot.
My dating life really reached a low point when I complained to a friend, “I’ve just been dumped, and we haven’t even been on our first date yet!”
(True story: I’d met a guy speed dating and we’d ‘matched’ but before we had made plans for dinner, he cancelled and said he didn’t think things would work out between us. Awesome ego boost, that.)
Of course I had well-meaning friends constantly trying to pep me up by peddling that tired phrase, “It’s not you – it’s them. They’re a bunch of d***s!”
And while I appreciate their sentiment, the truth is, the only common factor in every dumping was me. I was the one doing something that meant I wasn’t finding so-true-it-sticks love.
But what was it?
You only have to Google ‘dealbreakers’ to know there are literally millions of behaviours that act as the catalyst for breakups. Being too needy. Being jealous. Picking fights. Snoring. Not appreciating Star Wars.
But ultimately, a relationship breakdown boils down to one thing: whether one or both of you are ready to be in a relationship.
“When someone is not ‘relationship ready’, whether it’s due to past baggage, current motivation or beliefs about commitment, they demonstrate breakup-able behaviours like being overly needy, judgey or unfaithful,” explains psychologist and eHarmony Dating & Relationship expert Melanie Schilling.
“For me, I was consistently choosing a man who was afraid of commitment as I am of soggy cereal. And it doesn’t take a genius to work out that if you’re choosing men who aren’t really interested in the long term, you’re going to get dumped before you two see a full moon.”
“If you are someone who is serially dumped, perhaps this is a good time to take stock,” advises Mel. “Step out of the dating game for a while, spend some time thinking about your own behaviour, beliefs and motivation. Look beyond your ‘undatable behaviours’ to understand the WHY.”
While you’re figuring out your ‘why’ it’s a good time for a reminder: just because a man or woman breaks up with you, it doesn’t mean you suck at relationships. Nor does it mean they’re a narcissistic jerk. All it means is that you were brave enough to give something a go and it didn’t work out. That’s it. It’s not personal, and it’s not you. It’s dating, and rejection is a sucky but unavoidable part of the game.
Are you always getting dumped? How do you deal with rejection? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.
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