Positive mindset

4 top tips for creating a better mindset to help you find love

by Eharmony Editorial Team - June 16, 2016

When you’re looking for love, it’s important to get your mind in the right place first, says Darren from DatingPriceGuide.co.uk. Here are a few of his top tips for creating a better mindset.

Finding love is never easy, whether you’re 22 or 52. The problem with dating is that it can be extremely stressful; there’s a lot that goes into finding your soulmate. And when you do get a date with someone who seems like they could be ‘the one’, something can always spoil it. You arrive at the restaurant to find that your date is not at all what you expected and you can feel the disappointment seeping in – they’re really not your type. Then, to make matters worse, they’re rude and their table manners are atrocious. You can feel your mind swirling with stress, a headache sets in, and once again, you end the night knowing that you haven’t found the one.

The problem with this is that once you start to feel stressed out, your whole mindset changes. You begin to question everything; you wonder whether you’ll ever find the one and you start to panic. The important thing to realise is that, even when you’re feeling stressed, it’s still possible to have a sense of serenity and calm. In order to find love, you need to change your thinking – it’ll allow you to change how you feel about relationships and will give you power that you never knew you had!

1. Be aware of self-talk

You know the voices in your head; the ones that scream, ‘you’ll never meet the one’ after yet another bad date? Well, that’s your self-talk saying all the things you’re inwardly thinking. It’ll probably say things like, ‘I’ll never meet someone’ and ‘why do my dates never go well?’ Instead of letting self-talk like this get on top of you, stop it in its tracks. Stop panicking that you’ll never find ‘the one’, and focus on what you want to achieve – so, this date didn’t go well, it’s not the end of the world and there really are plenty more fish in the sea.

2. Learn to pay attention to the here and now

When you do meet someone with potential; it’s important to learn to pay attention to the here and now. This means, instead of rushing the introductions, take your time to get to know the other person. Be in the moment; feel the drink in your hands; become aware of how you’re sitting and what your body language is telling the other person; notice the other person’s expressions and note their tone of voice.

3. Speak less, listen more

It’s no secret that all the best dates are with people who are happy to share and listen, not just do one of the two. If you chat constantly about yourself and don’t take the time to listen to the other person, this’ll only agitate them. You’ll end up feeling even more stressed out as you’ll constantly be trying to fill the silences. Choose to be a good listener, take the time to focus on what your date is saying and appreciate the fact that they are willing to share with you.

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4. Change your attitude

It’s a well-known fact that good things tend to happen to positive people. If you have a negative attitude while trying to find a partner, then chances are it won’t happen. Change your mindset and be more positive and you’ll find that your dating life significantly improves.

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