A man looks bored in a restaurant while his partner talks on obliviously

4 ways you’re boring your dates stiff

by Eharmony Editorial Team - March 25, 2011

Ever feel like your dates are bored when you’re talking to them? Here’s why you might be right.

A string of bad dates is enough to knock anyone’s confidence, and can make you wonder, ‘Is it me?’ The majority of the time it won’t be you; human relationships are so complex it could be any combination of reasons why you’re not making any headway in the dating game. But sometimes, by law of averages, it just might be you.

Do you think you’re a good date? Do always make sure your date has a great time? Or is it possible your date patter is missing that special something? We’re not ones to point fingers, but sometimes it might be that you’re just a little, well, boring. Read on for 4 ways you could be boring your dates into a coma.

Me, me, ME!
Let’s think back to your last date. What can you remember about them? How did they like to spend their weekend? What was the last book they read? If you can’t answer these questions it’s possible that you dominated the conversation.

Dating is nerve-racking and it can be hard to think of something to say. When you’re nervous it’s much easier just to talk about you than it is to ask your date questions and engage in a true conversation. Talking about what you know might help ease those nerves but it isn’t going to help you get to know your date better.

We’re not saying don’t talk about yourself; it’s important that you give away those little details that make you unique. Whether you’re a keen Tabla player or love making your own stained glass artwork, these things are all important to get across who you truly are. You just need to make sure you’re doing it while you’re actually conversing with your date – rather than talking AT them.

Do you avoid parties? Do all your shopping online? Prefer emailing to actually picking up the phone? If your answer is yes to more than two of those questions then it might be possible you’ve forgotten how to interact with the outside world. It’s easily done, especially in our modern lives where it’s physically possible to never leave the house.

If this is you then when you do go on a date it’s quite likely that you might come off as a little socially inept. As with anything, if you don’t practice conversing you’ll soon forget how and you’ll slip into asking the most mundane questions – or worse, no questions at all.

The solution is simple – get out there. Accept the next party invitation you receive, strike up a conversation the next time you go to the green grocers and pick up the phone to call your friend instead of sending them an email. Once you’re back on the horse you’ll find you become a much better date too. And who knows, with all your new found socialising you might meet someone special!

‘Don’t talk to me’ signals
While you’re out and about flexing your conversational muscle (see above!), practice giving out the right body language too. If you’ve ever been in a conversation with someone who’s awkward, you’ll know how uncomfortable it can make you feel.

Flickering eyes, no eye contact, an uncomfortable stance and shrugged shoulders in response to a question are all indicators that someone is deeply uncomfortable. Think back, is it possible you act like this when you’re on a date? If so, you’re pretty much telling your date to leave you alone, without going quite so far as saying ‘Go away!’

If this is you, tell your date you’re shy. Let them know before your date if you can; most people can relate to feelings of shyness and they’ll understand you a little better. Then take heart that if you do manage to relax in your date’s company things can only improve.

When you think about dating and your path to meeting someone special, how does it make you feel inside? Does your heart lift when you think about all the potential soul mates you just haven’t met yet? Or do you instantly feel gloomy, telling yourself you’ll never meet anyone?

If you feel negative about dating then this attitude will be apparent to your dates too. Misery doesn’t always love company, and there’s nothing attractive about someone who constantly complains or just looks plain sad.

Life throws rubbish at us, but even if you’ve had the worst day ever your date deserves to meet the best version of you. Put on a smile and try and have a great time. The date should be your escape from the day’s stresses, not an extension of them. As soon as you start to cheer up, you’ll notice your dates responding positively too.

The good news is that if you do think you’ve been boring your dates to death, you now know how to stop! On your next date, make sure the best version of you turns up and you’ll meet the best version of your date too. And who knows where that may lead…