second date questions

Second date questions: what to ask?

by Fran Creffield - November 16, 2018

There’s plenty of first-date advice out there but what about that all important second date? You’ve established you want to see each other again but what are those all-important second date questions?

In many ways the second date is the first real date because, having seen each other in the flesh, neither of you ran for the nearest exit and there was enough spark between you to want to repeat the experience. This is the date where you can let go of the nagging questions of initial chemistry and start to get to know the stranger in front of you. Without wanting to turn the evening into the Spanish Inquisition, these are the questions to ask on a second date that will help you decide whether or not to move forward.

Questions about their life

The second date is an opportunity to start really getting to know this person. Show interest in them and be open and forthcoming when they ask about you. Avoid closed questions that require yes-or-no answers and opt more for conversation starters rather than a constant stream of probing questions.

More about what you already know

You’ll probably know a lot of facts about this person from their profile and your first meeting, so second date questions are a chance to get more information. ‘So you said you like hiking, have you been anywhere good recently?’ or ‘I see you have a dog, have you always had dogs?’ These are examples of questions which draw on information you already have and serve two purposes. They show you’ve taken notice of what they’ve shared to date and that you’re keen to know more about them, rather than just talk about yourself.

Their relationships to date

Talking about exes is a no-no on a first date but it’s not unusual for the subject to come up in second date questions. If your match volunteers information then encourage them to tell you more. How they feel about their past relationships is important information that will help you decide whether or not there’s a possible future for you.

If they’re still very hurt, angry, blaming or resentful, the chances are that they’re not ready for a new relationship. It’s better to find this out in the early stages of dating than further down the line when you’ve formed an attachment.

If they ask about your exes, be honest and open without going into all the graphic details. This isn’t a therapy session and, like you, what your date is looking for is evidence that the past is behind you and that you’re ready to embark on a happier future.

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Things that they’re passionate about

It’s all too easy to get bogged down talking about the past, sharing childhood stories, relationship history and the back catalogue of your lives. This will give you plenty to talk about but may not leave either of you feeling as though you had a fantastic date. You want your date to go away thinking you’re an amazing and interesting person rather than a very good therapist! Ask questions about what lights them up, makes their heart sing or gets them out of bed in the morning. Share your own passions and dreams and really allow yourself to shine. Hopefully you’ll have some shared passions and you’ll be able to swap anecdotes and stories. Try to ensure that the last hour of the date is spent on uplifting or amusing subjects rather than heavy things so you part feeling good and wanting to do it again.

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