The one thing a therapist thinks is missing from your relationship
We asked the experts from around the world for their advice, and here it is for you:
1. The ability to separate feelings from behaviour
April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert, author of four relationship advice books, and the ‘Ask April‘ advice columnist says:
Sacrifice is part of any successful long term relationship and if you want a commitment, but are refusing to budge on anything your partner wants because you’re rigid on particular values, you’re going to have problems.
On the flip side, if you are someone who will make sacrifices and do what it takes to have a healthy, happy commitment, don’t choose someone who doesn’t act like they will do the same.
Understand the difference between feelings and behaviour and know that you can love someone without having compatible behaviours, making the relationship a failure. Seek out compatible behaviour and feelings — and don’t take behaviour for granted.
2. Time away from devices
Clinton Power, relationship counsellor and author of 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship says:
It’s really the modern day disease that individuals can’t go for sustained periods of time without being connected to their mobile devices.
Just walk past any cafe or restaurant today and you’ll see many couples sitting together and staring at screens while they text friends, chat on social media and surf the web – while not communicating with their partner. I recommend couples regularly have a detox from technology whether it’s a day, a weekend or even just going a date where you leave your mobile devices at home. The challenge in these modern times is to reconnect with your partner and enjoy the art of conversation.
Stephan Labossiere, certified life and relationship coach, says:
There is such a great and understandable fight for equality that we have lost sight of the importance of balance. Two people who complement each other well can form a great team together.
4. Not owning your own baggage
We live in a crazy busy world, so some of us have numbed out and lost self-awareness and the ability to look within ourselves. Because of this, people are less likely to own their own “stuff”. They point the finger at the partner that it’s their fault they’re feeling a particular way. Owning it is our own triggers that are unique to our self and healing these will help create healthier, longer lasting relationships. Understand that it is our own job to create happiness and not someone else’s. Your partner is off the hook!
5. A muzzle for our mouths!
Dr. Jamie Turndorf, author and creator of askdrlove.com says:
Most couples don’t control what they say in the heat of anger. While it may feel good to get our rocks off in the moment, on the rocks is where our relationships end up if we don’t control our mouths. The point is, whatever you say and do boomerangs back on you! If you hurt your partner, you hurt yourself. From this day forward, mind your mouth or your relationship will go south.
Katia Loisel, Relationship and Body Language Expert says: “Multitasking as we try to perilously balance work, life, family and our relationship can put a lot of strain on a relationship and lead to a couple feeling emotionally and physically disconnected. Disconnection can lead to feelings of betrayal, hurt and resentment, where neither partner feels valued or acknowledged and can cause a relationship to unravel.”
In contrast, connecting deeply with your partner builds intimacy and trust, and strengthens bonds so that both parties feel seen, loved, nurtured and appreciated. Connected couples turn towards their partner emotionally, intellectually and physically. They allow themselves to be vulnerable and truly intimate with their partner and pay attention to their partner’s often-subtle verbal and nonverbal clues and requests for support and emotional connection. They are also less likely to divorce. Research from John Gottman’s Love Lab found that couples who divorced ignored bids for connection significantly more than ‘happy’ couples (82% to 19% respectively).
Got any other tips to add? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.
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