Bored-looking couple sit together on a sofa, staring forward vacantly

7 tips for getting your relationship out of a rut

by Fran Creffield - August 16, 2012

Even the very best relationships can get stuck in a rut simply because of the routine and monotony of ordinary life. If you are both feeling a bit jaded it might be time to take some action.

Do you feel that your relationship is in a rut? It doesn’t have to mean the end. Here are 7 things you can try to breathe a new lease of life into your relationship

Is your relationship in a rut? If you’re both doing the same things, week in, week out and not feeling motivated or stimulated, then it could be. It can happen for many different reasons but it often just what happens when two lives settle down alongside one another into a routine.

Most people have commitments outside of their relationship. Fitness classes, family responsibilities, social groups and hobbies all take time away from you as a couple. Add to these individual work commitments and household responsibilities and it’s not surprising that many couples end up doing the same things. Maybe you spent time together on the same night every week or always do the same thing at weekends. Time spent together can quickly become routine, predictable and uninspiring. Before you know it, you’re stuck in a rut. If this has happened to you, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. There are several things you can do to put a bit of sparkle back:

1. Communicate

First, acknowledge the problem. Does your partner feel your relationship is in a rut too? They might be blissfully happy with the routine you’ve created together and may resist change if they’re unaware of how you feel. Communicate openly. Try to speak in the first person so that it doesn’t sound like you’re criticising. You may find that your partner feels the same but didn’t know what to do about it.

2. Be a team

Change can only happen if you both want it. Team mates encourage, support and motivate each other. They pull in the same direction. If one of you is happy spending time on the sofa while the other wants to go hiking at the weekends, you could encounter problems. Try to find common ground and agree on new things you’d like to do together.

3. Take responsibility for your feelings

Nobody else can make you happy or complete you. Were there hobbies and activities that you pursued when you were single but gave up when you got into a relationship? Maybe you feel like you’re in a rut because your own life has lost some of its spark. It’s up to you to go and get that back. In order to have balance in a relationship we need to continue doing things that fulfil us as individuals.

4. Put some space between you

Most couples are in touch 24/7, via text, email, calls, and social media. While this can be fantastic, it doesn’t leave you any time to miss each other or look forward to spending time together. Try having no contact during the day – even if you live together – so that when you see your partner in the evening, you’ll have lots to talk about.

5. Do something different

Variety is the spice of life. It might be easier to always have pizza while watching a DVD on Wednesdays,  but it can become dull quite quickly. Have a curry instead of pizza. Play a board game instead of watching TV. Suggest spending those hours cuddled up in bed, talking and reconnecting. Whatever you do, try to mix up your routine each week. Ask your partner for suggestions too.

6. Recreate your first date

Do you remember the first time you met? It’s important to stay connected with the reasons you fell for each other in the first place. Recreating your first date is a great way to reconnect. It’ll also set the stage for you to reflect on the relationship so far, and where it’s heading.

7. Plan an adventure together

An adventure doesn’t have to be anything expensive or flashy. You don’t even have to leave your living room. Talking about and making plans for your future together will lift you out of a rut and energise you both.