10 Ways to Reignite ‘The Spark’
One of life’s best natural highs is the thrill, passion and excitement of having a new partner. The conversation is endless and the connection you both feel is intense. So, if you could reignite that honeymoon spark with your long term partner, why wouldn’t you do it? She Said’s Kim Chartres talks to a couple of holistic therapists to find out how.
I recently had the opportunity and privilege to sit down with Graeme Sudholtz, a former Aussie farmer turned relationship and sex therapist, and his partner in life and busines, Annette Baulch to discuss love, life and relationships. It was an entertaining and eye opening half hour, which left me wanting to book an appointment to go back for more!
They’re relaxed natures and ease in discussing relationships and sex would make even the coyest of people comfortable. Here are their top 10 tips for reigniting that honeymoon spark:
1. Remember how to feel – The most common reason relationships go stale is that we shut down emotionally from each other. Make your feelings ok, remembering if you can’t feel yourself, youwont feel someone else.
2. Feeling mistakes – Don’t assume that the man is not feeling just because he may not talk about them or uses different language in talking about it. Men do feel, they just have less permission to show it. And women, don’t assume you ARE, check that you’re actually feeling your feelings in your body rather than thinking your feelings.
3. Be willing to be vulnerable – Being vulnerable is how we are able to connect with another and invite our partner into our world, which can be scary! Consequences of not doing this will ultimately lead to the loss of the relationship. Actively choosing to go there is far less scary.
4. Sleep together naked – Our skin is the largest organ in the body and is longing to be nurtured. As adults we are often touch-hungry, especially for touch that has no agenda to it. Relax and snuggle.
5. Honour yourself – We don’t realise how much we dampen our spirit by the hundreds of negative judgments we make about ourselves. Offer honest appreciation daily.
6. Bring love back into sex – Sex becomes boring and hard work when we let love run out and start performing instead. Seek to connect.
7. See each other clearly – Take the time to really listen to what they are saying (like you used to do) and get to know a whole new person.
8. Remove your exits – Long-term relationships can get leaky, where we drain energy away from the relationship. This can result in the ‘invisible divorce’. Too much TV, work, talking with friends, focusing on the kids – all of these factors can negatively effect our relationships.
9. Plan ahead – Set up a regular time to be sexual. Set the date and time (not late at night). You have other essential appointments, why not make sex one of them? Send texts in the lead-up. Ask your partner what they want, enjoy it with them if it feels ok for you. Vary it so you both get to share.
10. Spend quality time on your own – Sometimes couples can get enmeshed and lose the sense of a unique identity, which is what attracted you in the first place. It is healthy to have some time out on your own now and again.
This article originally appeared on SHE‘SAID’.
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