Building up to a sexual relationship


For a lot of people sex is an area that causes a lot of worry maybe because they lack confidence, experience or both. Maybe it has been such a long time that they worry they won’t be able to perform or won’t satisfy the other person.

Sexual encounters are much more likely to go wrong if they happen too soon in a relationship, before you have allowed yourself time to get to know someone and feel comfortable in their company. It is important that you take all the time you need before heading for the bedroom. In the meantime there are things you can do to build your confidence and turn up the heat between you so that when the time comes you are so eager that any insecurity is forgotten.

Flirting – human beings have mating rituals just like animals do. Flirting is our way of letting someone know that we are interested in them sexually. If you are not very confident in this area do some research and practice your flirting skills. Flirting isn’t just about what you say. About 80% of our communication is non-verbal so how you use your body language is just as important – eye contact, licking lips, touching hair etc – it all gives the right signals.

Don’t be available all the time – most human beings want what they can’t have – it is part of our nature so use this fact to your advantage and make sure you aren’t always available for dates, calls or to chat online. This isn’t about playing games. There needs to be some space between you for the anticipation of seeing each other to build and for you to miss each other. It is too easy to be in touch 24/7 but when you do see each other you may find that you have little to talk about.

Dare to dream – imagination is a powerful tool. When you are on your way to a date allow yourself to imagine being sexual with your partner. Imagine the things you would like them to do to you and what you would like to do to them. Where would you most like your first sexual encounter to take place? – see the room, imagine the touch of their skin against yours …  The brain has difficulty distinguishing between us actually doing something and imagining we are doing it.

Kiss consciously – when we kiss someone we are communicating with them – telling them how we feel about them. Practice kissing slowly and consciously aware of each push and pull, responding, communicating, enticing. How would you kiss this person if you could only kiss them one more time? The important thing is that you come to see kissing as an end in itself rather than just a step towards the bedroom. A good night kiss is more memorable if you both go home feeling a bit weak kneed.

Skin deep – taking care of your appearance and personal grooming will help make you feel sexy and more confident. Wear nice underwear, treat yourself to a sensual perfume or aftershave – these are all important because even if your date never gets close enough to appreciate the effort you have gone to, you will feel great.

Dance – for many generations dancing was the way people met and flirted with members of the opposite sex. Holding someone close, feeling their body move next to yours, smelling their hair – dancing is a wonderful way to develop intimacy and sexual arousal. You will also learn to become attuned and responsive to how the other person moves so that by the time you make love you won’t feel awkward in each others arms.

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