How to tell if your partner is cheating

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Infidelity is generally assumed to be a sexual transgression outside of a monogamous relationship. Other things may be considered to be cheating – like having a close intimate connection with someone online for example – and it will be up to individual couples to define the parameters of their relationship when they first make a commitment to each other.

Most people who have had the unpleasant experience of an unfaithful partner say that in hindsight there were signs that something was going on but they were overlooked because in themselves they didn’t seem to be very significant. Often people who gave in to their suspicions and confronted their partner say that their partner’s lies made them question their own mental health and feel like they were jealous and insecure.

Having a nagging doubt about a partner’s fidelity can seriously affect your relationship, as well as your mental health, so rather than continue with the uncertainty look out for these signs which can help you find out for sure.

Being together

One of the first and most obvious clues that your partner may be cheating is that the amount of time they spend with you changes dramatically or shifts noticeably in quality. They may start working late or be spending much more time with friends or on recreational activities. Going to the gym more or taking extra care of personal appearance and grooming can also be indicators that there is someone new that they want to impress.

As important as where they spend their time is how attentive and present they are when they are with you. Do they seem continually distracted or like they have something on their mind? Do you get the feeling that they are avoiding being alone with you? While we can all be preoccupied at times with work or other concerns. if the changes in time at home, and attention when they are with you, are coupled with some of the other signs it could indicate that the focus of their attention has moved away from you and your relationship.

Mood swings

If someone is conducting an affair it can make them extremely uncomfortable. They may feel guilty and ashamed; bad about lying to you and torn emotionally because their affections are split and they don’t know what to do for the best. The result of this discomfort can be mood swings, defensiveness and irritability. Do you find that the kinder and more considerate you are to your partner the pricklier and more hostile they seem to be? This is because it is difficult to accept love and kindness from someone you know you are betraying.

Deceit

The very nature of infidelity is that it is deceitful and secret because if you knew what was going on you would probably leave. Some people are very good at lying while others will hardly be able to meet your eye if you ask them direct questions about what is going on. You will usually get an instinct for when someone is lying to you so ask direct questions on a range of subjects and feel the difference when you know they are telling the truth.

Online chat and texting

In order to develop a relationship with someone your partner will usually be in regular contact with them and with the use of mobile phones and the internet this could be happening right under your nose. Look out for an increase in use of phones and other technology. Is your partner suddenly much more secretive – maybe taking their mobile device with them wherever they go – even to the toilet?

Sex

Inevitably your sex life will be affected if your partner is cheating on you. People tend to think that an unfaithful partner will go off sex but the opposite can be true – their appetites might increase or they may suddenly want to try new things. The amount or frequency may not change but you may get the feeling that they aren’t as attentive or affectionate as they used to be and it’s as if they are just going through the motions.

Sexual activity can be affected by many other things such as illness and stress but if extreme variations happen alongside any of the other signs above it could be a cause for concern.

Talk it through

If you believe your partner is cheating the best thing to do is to talk to them about it. Tell them about the things that concern you and how you feel about their recent behaviour this will give them a chance to put it right or come clean. Seek outside help if you feel that you can’t get to the bottom of the situation on your own.


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