When you start a new relationship – pace yourself


Pace yourself

A budding new romance can make even the most mature of us giddy and light-headed. This natural high can feel so good that it can give you a false sense of security and intimacy with your new partner. The temptation to throw yourself into a whirlwind romance may be strong. If you really want your new love to turn into a lasting and healthy relationship, it’s important that you slow down and pace yourself so that you have firm foundations to build a happy and secure future together.

Is it love that you’re feeling?

Love and lust can feel very similar at the beginning of a relationship, resulting in a single-minded obsession with the object of your desire. The main difference to look out for is longevity.  Lust is often fleeting and can disappear quite quickly once satisfied, like a bright firework that soon fizzles out. Love, on the other hand, is more about the other person rather than a drive to fulfil your own needs and desires.

Time is what differentiates the two, so slowing things down and building a secure relationship before making big decisions is the only way to tell if it is love or lust that you are feeling.

Check your motives

Starting a new relationship before you have fully healed from an old one is a common mistake. Rebound relationships rarely last because your heart needs to be fully healed before you can be truly available to love again. The temptation to rush into something new to avoid feelings of loneliness or hurt is understandable, but in the end it isn’t fair either on you or the person you are dating.

Be true to yourself

It may seem flattering when a match seems to fall head over heels in love with you right from the start. However, it can push you into saying or doing things before you are ready, because you get swept away on the tide of their enthusiasm. It is important to stay grounded and true to your own feelings, rather than just mirror theirs. Love at first sight may exist but if you’ve only been seeing someone for a short time, the chances are that they don’t know ‘you’ well enough to know whether they truly ‘love’ you. Even if you believe they do, don’t feel pressured to say you feel the same until it feels right.

Being true to yourself rather than mirroring the other person’s feelings will ensure that you stay grounded and safe. By taking it slowly at the beginning, you are more likely to build a relationship that will stand the test of time.

Keep living your life

Many people become so enthralled with a new love interest that every other part of their life begins to suffer. They can’t concentrate at work, they lose contact with friends and family and spend less time on hobbies and social activities. Giving all of your time and energy to your new relationship may feel like the most natural thing to do, but it is important that you keep balance in your life if you really want it to last. If there are always cookies in the cookie jar, most people will eventually go off cookies. The same is true with relationships where from the outset you spend every waking moment with each other. By keeping balance in your life, you will leave your date wanting more of you rather than less.

Romantic interests will come and go but your family and friends are the ones who are there for the long haul, so don’t abandon them as soon as you start seeing someone new. If you neglect them when you’re involved romantically, they may not be there for you if the relationship ends and you need their love and support.

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