Why won’t he commit?
In the early stages of what appears to be the start of a great relationship, men will often be attentive, caring and eager to share their feelings. It seems as though he is ready to put everything into your blossoming relationship.
Then out of the blue, his open and interested behaviour disappears. Suddenly, the caring, sharing man you thought you were dating appears to have been replaced with someone who has no interest in your partnership. This is something dating expert Christian Carter calls Predictable Male Withdrawal – but there are ways to spot it, and tackle it.
Why men suddenly withdraw
According to Christian Carter, many men are ‘withdrawers’ in relationships, but unfortunately most of them don’t know this for themselves. And if they do, they’re not going to tell you about it.
So, you’re never going to hear a man say, “I think you’re great, and I’d love to enter into a committed relationship with you, but I’m not emotionally available. Is it ok if I sometimes become distant from you without explaining why?”
One of the great things about online dating with eHarmony, is that you get a much better sense of someone before you even meet them in person. But, unfortunately, even we can’t promise you a man won’t be a ‘withdrawer’ – however, you can learn to spot them.
Spotting a withdrawer, and learning to deal with him
The first test is to look at your date’s other relationships. Is he positive and caring about his family and friends? Listen to how he talks about them, and if you get the chance, how he acts around them. If he seems emotionally detached, he might be the same with you too.
If you’ve decided you’ve got a withdrawer on your hands, these tips should help you:
Don’t become the ‘convincer’
The natural female reaction to the withdrawer is to unconsciously become the ‘convincer’, trying to get him to be more open emotionally. This usually manifests itself as begging or nagging – which is exactly the kind of needy behaviour that pushes withdrawn men away even more.
In a relationship, we tend to focus on problems rather than solutions, meaning we become stressed and worried. But, by staying positive and viewing problems as opportunities for learning and growth, then you will most likely have a positive effect on your withdrawn partner too.
Use the power of attraction
As women, we often assume that the way to solve a relationship problem is to talk about it with our partner, as we do with our friends. But in reality, it is attraction that changes a man, not talking. This is what drew you to him in the first place, and physical and emotional attraction will create the bond that could overcome his withdrawing issues.
Adapted from an original article by dating expert Christian Carter for eHarmony.com.
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