Are you dating an egotist?

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When someone is egotistical they spend a lot of their time and energy trying to impress other people. They want to be liked above and beyond anything else even if that means exaggerating the truth, boasting about their accomplishments and talking about themselves more than most people would.

Dating someone like this can be quite tiring and you may end up wondering how relevant you are in the relationship or whether your presence is only required to boost their self esteem. They may seem so full of themselves that there is little room for you. Often people who are like this when you first meet settle down as a relationship develops. If you think you may be dating an egotist bear in mind the following.

Things may not be all they seem

Often people who come across as extremely egocentric are actually quite insecure under all the bravado. They may be loud and boastful in the hope that no-one will see their low self-esteem. If you hang around long enough you will probably start to get glimpses of their soft underside – maybe they respond badly to criticism or worry that people don’t like them. While reassurance can help it may become exhausting after a while if it is always all about them.

Living the dream

Many egotists have vivid imaginations. They may spin great tales of things they have done in the past or are going to accomplish in the future. Their aim is to impress you and boost their self-esteem at the same time. Be wary of stories that sound too good to be true, they probably are.

No room for you

Monopolising the conversation is usually one of the first things you will notice about an egotist. They want to be the centre of attention in all situations and will do whatever they can to ensure that they are. They will be forgetful or indifferent to things that are important to you and unless you go along with what they want to do its unlikely that either of you will have a very good time.

Criticism of others

This is an unpleasant side effect of egotism – they are constantly comparing themselves to others in a way that makes them highly critical. They may criticise other people’s looks, intelligence, social skills, competence or status. Through this criticism they are trying to boost their self esteem and feel superior.

Emotionally selfish

This is different from ordinary selfishness. An egotist will have a hard time feeling empathy for others. They will struggle to see things from your point of view and their lack of understanding can appear harsh or even cruel at times. A relationship with someone who is emotionally selfish will be all about how you make them feel rather than how they feel about you.

Sensitive to criticism

An egotist will normally respond badly to criticism, real or implied. The defences they have around their image of themselves are often protected by outbursts of temper, moodiness or withdrawal of affection.

Need to control

An egotist usually wants to be in control. They know how things should be done and how they want people to respond to them. When their control is challenged they will often behave badly and can be very persuasive in their arguments to have things their own way.

Attempts to control are often attempts to feel safe and can again stem from insecurity rather than a genuine feeling that they want to run the show.

If you are dating someone you believe is an egotist remember that it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, just that they haven’t developed the tools to enable them to see other people as equals. If you stick with it many of their defences may crumble as the relationship develops and they begin to feel safe enough to show their softer side.


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