How to cope with rejection

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No-one likes to be rejected. It taps into the most vulnerable part of us, and even the most outwardly confident people can’t help but wonder if it’s something they said or did when a match turns them down.

If you really want to get the most out of the dating process and enjoy it, then it’s better to accept the fact that you might face rejection, and equip yourself with these strategies for dealing with it.

It’s not personal

Although it feels very personal at the time, as though it is YOU the person is rejecting, this is actually not the case. There is simply something between you and that person that doesn’t fit, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be perfect for someone else.

Everyone has a unique blueprint which will help them to recognise who is potentially a good match for them. This blueprint is formed by biological factors, past experiences, personal preferences and future expectations. Much of what we are looking for is hidden in our unconscious, which is influenced by relationships with our main caregivers when we were children. Only a very small percentage is happening at a conscious level when we are attracted to someone.

The spark that people look for happens when we find someone who fulfils all our criteria and it is mutual. When it is one-sided it can be painful and hard to accept, but don’t let it deter you from trying again.

Let go gracefully

There is nothing more undignified than clinging onto someone who has made it clear they don’t want a relationship with you. You shouldn’t have to persuade, coerce or manipulate someone into being with you. You deserve to be with someone who feels like they have hit the jackpot because you want to be with them rather than someone who is reluctant and uncommitted.

Inner strength

If you feel good about yourself, any rejection will be much easier to cope with. It will still knock you a bit but it won’t have the same devastating impact as it will if your self-esteem is low.

Allowing yourself to become attached to someone, and then being rejected further down the line is often harder than when it happens very early on. Again, inner strength will be what determines how you deal with it. We have little control over what happens in life but we can choose how we respond to situations. Don’t let a rejection make you give up your dreams of love or stop you from giving your heart freely again.

Rejecting a match

Inevitably there may be times when someone is really keen on you and you just don’t feel the same way. It is hard to turn someone down, especially when you know they are going to be disappointed. However, it’s really important to be honest and not lead anyone on.

Be honest about your feelings without pointing out all of their faults. You can say ‘thanks, but no thanks, it just doesn’t feel right.’ If they ask why, think carefully before you go into detail – you are under no obligation to do so.

It is important to be clear, firm and decisive, which can be hard if you are lacking in confidence. You may be tempted to settle for someone who is keen on you in the hope your feelings for them will grow, but what happens if they don’t? Will it be harder further down the line?  Have faith and hold out for that match that feels just right – for both of you. This cannot happen if you are holding onto an unsatisfactory relationship just in case nothing better comes along.

Be bold

It is brave to let go and it takes courage to tell someone you don’t want to see them any more. Ultimately it is only by being willing to face rejection from both sides of the fence that you can really be willing to surrender to love.


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