Retrain your brain for love


By Louise Gabriel


People often think love can’t be hurried. The simple truth is when you wire your brain for love you’re stacking the deck significantly in your favour, and wiring your brain for a happier ever after isn’t anywhere near as complicated as you might think.

So how do you use the holidays and neuroscience to have some fun and retrain your brain for love?

Clear the way for love

The best way to start clearing the way for your own personal happily-ever-after in the New Year is to look around your living space through the eyes of someone who is ready for love. Is your environment supporting you, or is it full of stuff that reminds you of love-gone-wrong or being alone, lonely or unappreciated? Now’s the time to nix any negative love messages and remove any furniture, pictures or photographs – anything at all that reminds you of a love that ended or items that make you feel a bit flat. In the place of these futile keepsakes, put up pictures of what you want and get those positive love neurons humming. Your living space is important. Think clear, clean canvas for the year ahead.

Take the true love challenge

For one week over the holidays take the ‘true love challenge’. How does it work? Start by actively removing your attention from any examples of love in trouble. Turn off the radio when songs about heartbreak start playing, switch channels or mute the scene if a couple is having serious problems on your favourite TV show. Don’t watch movies that feature train crash relationships, and leave magazines and segments on entertainment TV shows that focus on celeb marriage meltdowns alone. Do your best not to get into any long conversations with friends or family about their relationship issues or what needs aren’t being met. Detox from negative love input and instead focus on the sunnier side of the street love-wise. Your brain, your love zone, and your future partner will thank you for it.

Write your own personal love story

When you’re looking for love, you often have a scenario in mind – something you’re longing for and looking forward to doing with your new person. The holidays can leave you with extra time to dwell on the fact that your perfect match hasn’t turned up yet, and make you a little glum. Instead of letting that feeling take hold, why not put pen to paper or hand to computer and write about the love story you’ve imagined? No one else has to see it or know you’ve written it. This is just for you. Take some time to sit and let your mind lead you to a place where you already have the relationship of your dreams. Make it as long or as short as you like. Put in conversations, details, locations to set the scene. And unless you have a strong vibe to do otherwise, make it fairly low-key; something that feels achievable, possible and likely.

Read over your story whenever you feel like it and appreciate the feelings it evokes in you. This way you improve your love IQ while you’re still single. Your brain will start working for you, seeking out the happy times you’ve wired in there. A brilliant and most welcome result.

Neuroplasticity, the scientific discovery that your brain is constantly rewiring itself based upon what you focus your attention on, is here to give all singles a break. Put simply, it means that by changing your focus, you change your brain. And refiring and rewiring the ‘love and relationship’ file in your brain means that your brain’s ‘love filter’ will begin working. So enjoy the holidays and enjoy where you are. Let your mind start working for you and have fun retraining your brain for love!

About the author

Louise Gabriel spent many years as a single seeking love before she developed ten steps to help her refire and rewire the love zone of her brain, using neuroscience techniques to  change her relationship destiny and join Team Love. Now happily married, she has documented her experiences in “Unsingle: The art and science of finding true love” in the hope that her experiences can help others. Her book is partly a documentation of her personal journey and partly a helpful guide on how ordinary people can use neuroscience discoveries and techniques to make themselves relationship-ready.


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