A couple sitting other with their hands held together resting in their lap
start free today
I am I am looking for

You can add more detail about your gender in your profile

For your security, use the following password format:

  • At least 8 characters
  • Letters AND numbers/special characters
  • Must not be the same as your email address

How to Choose Between Two Women? 8 Ways to Make the Right Decision

by eharmony Editorial Team - October 19, 2021

Caught in a love triangle and don’t know how to make the right decision? You know that with your new love interest you have great chemistry, but you are also drawn to your long-term date partner that you have built up a connection with. Are you in a similar situation and are wondering how to choose between the two women? When you are at crossroads in your love life and unsure how to proceed, look inward to get some insight. Choosing between an old love and new love need not necessarily be a daunting task when you have these pieces of advice.

How to choose between two women: Clarify the heart vs. mind debate

Finding the right person to date or love is something that should be done thoughtfully. You need to invest a lot of effort and time. Because if the person is wrong for you, it can lead to emotional suffering and the relationship will not last long. So, why is it difficult to choose? What keeps you from deciding? Confusion and fears are legitimate but when you ask yourself these questions, you will see a shift in your perspectives that can open up a new pathway towards clarity.

#1 Consider their positive qualities

Not looks or status – the most important qualities to look for are loyalty and understanding. They should be easy to talk to, trustworthy and someone who has emotional stability. If you are losing your heart to someone just for their appearance, rethink. Make a list to compare if that helps.

Tip: Appearances fade away. Whereas, every ounce of trust, compassion, and understanding will pave way for a happy relationship.

#2 Consider the compatibility factors

You should choose the one who is similar to you. A survey shows that partners who share values, interests, and expectations encounter fewer conflicts1. It does not mean opposites don’t attract, it only means when long-term goals and outlooks on life are similar, there is less to fight about.

Tip: It’s all about dating chemistry. Choose a partner who complements you.

#3 Choose the one who treats you well

So, how to choose between two women who are great in their own way? Ask yourself these questions. Are you always a part of her plan? Does she value your opinions or inputs? Or has she kept your relationship a secret? Do you feel like she wants everything from the relationship minus the emotional attachment? Dig deep into your feelings and you will get an answer that will help you decide.

Tip: Choose a partner with whom you feel cared for, respected, loved, and heard the most. “The person who doesn’t value you will block you from the one who will”. – Robert Tew.

#4 Understand the difference between attraction and real connection

You are attracted to this woman but spending time with her is leaving you emotionally drained. If you’re constantly feeling stressed around her or if she is impacting an area of your life such as work, friendships, or finances, then dating her cannot be fun.

Tip: Choose the one you connect with, the one you can have fun with even at a grocery store.

#5 Review your relationship

Choosing between an old love and new love is not always easy. Sometimes, the very reason you are looking for more options could be because your current connection is off balance. If a relationship always feels like hard work or if you are overly accommodating, it can make you exhausted. Communicate clearly if you decide to break-up. It’s okay to put your feelings first but don’t carry the guilt of two-timing someone.

Tip: Choose the one you can exchange positive energies with.

#6 Be with the one who makes you a better person

She gives you space and freedom. She never nags, demands, or complains. She appreciates your efforts to make her happy and she makes you feel special often. If she has always prioritized and inspired you to grow, then she should be your top priority too.

Tip: A right person will always enhance your life. Choose the one who truly makes you happy.

#7 Don’t rush your decision

How to choose between two women and be sure of your choice? This is not something you can decide by flipping a coin.

It’s normal to think she is awesome, especially in the beginning. Have the important conversations before considering “she is the one”. Consider all dating deal breakers. Don’t rush into deciding out of fear of losing someone. Be honest with yourself and get some input from friends and family.

Tip: Love is not all you need – your partner should respect your viewpoints. Being able to be completely yourself with her is of utmost importance.

#8 Just trust your instincts

Still confused on how to choose between the two amazing women? Sometimes all you have to do is listen to that inner voice. Deep down, who’s that you really want? Your feelings will tell you who it is and will respond to the energy of that person.

Tip: If your subconscious tells you that you should choose one woman over another, act on it; don’t try to find the reasons. Energies don’t lie, trust your vibes.

What you need to know about dating multiple people

While dating more than one person at once isn’t for everyone, there’s also nothing inherently wrong with it so long as you follow a few rules – so instead of pressuring yourself into a decision you can also think about dating more than one guy. We talk about the pros and cons of dating multiple people, and a few tips for how to do so successfully.  

New Vs. Old Love: Find a relationship that brings your wholehearted expression of yourself with eharmony

Now you know how to choose between two women but you don’t always have to pick one! If neither of them is special or deserving enough you can always go back to being single. If you decide to break up with someone, be clear about your reasons. Being respectful and having a face-to-face conversation is the right way to bring closure to the relationship. eharmony platform provides an in-depth knowledge of your interests through personality and character tests. Meet like-minded singles with a click of a button. A memorable dating journey and a compatible partner are guaranteed.

How it works

Your search for a great relationship has never been easier with groundbreaking overhaul of the eharmony you know and trust.