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The Most Important 7 Signs You Should Not Marry Him to Look Out For

by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

Relationships are never perfect. There will always be things about him that annoy you, stuff you just can’t see eye-to-eye on and general relationship strife that comes up in any romance. Most of these don’t affect the question, should I marry him? In most relationships, we know we have to accept the good and the bad.

But there are also serious red flags warning you not to take your relationship to the next level. Let’s explore signs you should not marry him, and the nuances of these situations. While there’s a long list of things to look out for as your relationship grows, here are our common and major 7 signs you shouldn’t marry him.  

1. You resent or feel contempt toward him

All relationships have some baggage around habits, past behavior and situations where you felt wronged. While this is normal, try to take stock of how you actually feel about them.

Do you still feel excited to see him when you make plans? Is your mutual body language healthy and reflective when you’re together? There may be some issues you just can’t get past. Before you ask yourself, should I marry him, ask whether you even still like him.

2. You can’t communicate properly

Communication isn’t just how you talk about your feelings or share how your day went. It’s also how you’re able to address issues in the relationship and convey them to each other in a healthy, respectful manner.

Clear communication is vital. It’s how you transfer those inner feelings that matters most and how open, receptive and even intuitive he is about those messages. How you communicate now is a good predictor of how you will survive rough times ahead, or whether you’ll still get on after the passions of first love wane.   

3. You don’t trust him

This is one of the most important signs you should not marry him. Whether it’s infidelity, dishonesty, past issues or just that they seem to hide a lot about their life from you, a lack of trust can kill relationships.

If they can’t let you fully into their lives then how can you ever truly trust them? You don’t need to know where they are and what they’re doing every minute of the day – just that they’re being honest and authentic with you.

What to look for in a guy

If you’ve put some thought into the qualities to look for in a man, it’ll be that much easier to know if there’s a future for your relationship or marriage. Here are some qualities to look for.

4. You’re hoping marriage will help your relationship

As relationships progress, they can become stale or feel like they’ve reached a plateau. While this should be a clear sign, we often get trapped in the logic that the relationship just needs to go to the next level to reach new emotional grounds.

If your answer to should I marry him? is that you’re hoping it’ll lead to greater intimacy or perhaps reach a new relationship level, like parenting a child, you’re just applying a band-aid to a growing wound and not addressing the root problem.

5. They compromise your sense of happiness and individuality

It’s easy to get caught up in the inertia of a relationship. We tend to get comfortable and would rather stick with what we have than risk being single again.

How he makes you feel on the inside should be your priority. Does he support your dreams or undermine them? Does he endorse your notions of individuality or attempt to invalidate them? The man in your life should be your biggest fan and supporter, not a source of insecurity. If it’s the latter, then it’s definitely one of the 7 signs you should not marry him.

6. You have conflict surrounding the same narrow topics

Do you always have the same arguments? A recent YouGov poll found the most common sources of conflict are tone of voice, finances, and differing communication styles1. These aren’t massive chasms in character but they can become problematic when one or both of you refuse to compromise on your approach.

Similarly, if you’re arguing frequently about different but inconsequential topics, it could be a sign of deeper resentment and growing contempt in the relationship, which can eventually lead to a complete communication breakdown. 

7. You’re not dating for the right reasons

As we grow older and busier, we tend to go on auto-pilot in aspects of our lives and romantic relationships are no different. When it comes to signs you should not marry him, sometimes it just comes down to you not being right for each other, and no one’s particularly to blame.

We often stay in bad relationships just to avoid being alone but this only delays the inevitable. Ask yourself this question: when you picture yourself marrying him, what’s the first emotion you feel? If it’s anxiety or disappointment, then what deeper insight do you really need?

Take an honest look at your relationship when asking, should I marry him? 

While these are definitely 7 signs you shouldn’t marry him, you should view them as a guide for how your partner is approaching your relationship. What it boils down to is whether he makes you feel like a better or worse version of yourself.

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