How to get a boyfriend - Persia and Joey

How to get a boyfriend: 5 ways to attract the relationship you’ve always wanted

by Eharmony Editorial Team - May 25, 2017

Wondering how to get a boyfriend? Love coach and author Persia Lawson shares her own unique love story as well as 5 top tips to help you find the relationship you’ve always wanted.

I was at Wilderness festival in Oxfordshire when I met the love of my life. Our eyes locked in a secret rave in a wooded valley and, without a word being spoken, we fell (quite literally) into a passionate kiss. Well, although he really knew how to kiss very well, I didn’t think it would evolve into anything more than a bit of a drunken smooch at a festival. However, fate – it turned out – had other plans.

The next evening, we randomly bumped into each other again in one of the festival’s bars and it swiftly turned into the most fun, romantic and spontaneous night of my life. Several hours into hanging out, we found ourselves sat by a campfire. When Joey Wilderness (as he was listed in my phone) saw the dinosaur necklace I was wearing, he told me that Jurassic Park was his favourite film of all time and he’d written his dissertation on the theme tune. ‘Uh, that’s the music I’m going to have playing as I walk down the aisle at my wedding’ I told him (rather brazenly). Imagine our shock the next night when we saw a full orchestra playing that very song, as scenes from the film were projected onto a huge screen behind the musicians. We both knew there was something significant in this.

A week to the day after our first kiss we went to dinner and, as we got in the lift to leave the restaurant, who should get in with us but Sam Neill – the lead actor from Jurassic Park! That’s one hell of a lot of dinosaur-related coincidences in the same week, we both thought to ourselves. Two years on, I’ve been living with Joey Wilderness for eight months and we’re making plans to go travelling around the world together.

But how can you get a boyfriend? Here are the five things I did to prepare myself to attract the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. Try putting them in practice and see how your love life transforms.

1. Examine your patterns

Before I met Joey, I’d spent a long time looking at my past relationship patterns with a coach and mentor. All of us have baggage that needs clearing before we’re emotionally able to attract and sustain a healthy relationship – and I had a lot, having been a serial cheater and terrified of commitment for most of my life.

The first step in attracting a boyfriend is to be really honest with yourself about your romantic history.

Take a pen and paper and answer the following questions:

  • What types of lovers have I been attracted to (and attracted) in the past? Why?
  • What mistakes have I made again and again in past relationships? Why?
  • Why did each relationship end?

2. Know your core values

After completing the above exercise, I knew what hadn’t worked for me in the past, which helped me to understand what type of relationship I wanted in the future. I believe that you get what you ask for in life, so if you want a great relationship – ask for it!

Write down how you’d like your ideal relationship to feel: secure, exciting, passionate, for example.

Next, list all the inner qualities that you’d love your future partner to have – star any that are non-negotiable e.g. kind, loving, supportive etc.

This will serve as a benchmark for your love life going forward. If the person you’re on a date with doesn’t possess any of your non-negotiable values or qualities (and the date doesn’t feel the way you want your ideal relationship to feel), this might not be a guy worth getting.

3. Keep it in the date

Before I met Joey, I’d spent a lot of my love life ‘end-gaming’ whenever I was on a date. I was completely focused on whether this person was ‘the one.’

When you’re on a date, the only things you need to be asking yourself are:

  • Do I like who I am around this person? Do I feel like myself or am I performing in some way?
  • Am I enjoying myself on this date? Is the conversation flowing easily and effortlessly?

At Wilderness, I didn’t worry about whether Joey was ‘the one’ or not – I stayed present in the moment and enjoyed the experience for what it was. That took a massive amount of pressure off. In time (well, very quickly) it became clear that we’re very compatible, so the relationship formed organically, without any manipulating or pushing on my part.

4. Be clear about what you want

Before I met Joey, I was clear that I wasn’t willing to commit to a new relationship unless we both felt like this was ‘it’. We had to want the same things for our future too (e.g. marriage and children further down the line).

When he asked me what my dating situation was at the festival, I told him my rule and that I wasn’t interested in sleeping with someone new unless we were dating exclusively.

While it can be scary to be so direct, you’ll be far more attractive to a partner if you value and respect yourself enough to be honest about what you truly want. You’ll also save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak – the ones who are not that into you (or not ready to give you what you want) will back off, and the ones who are will step up and make it clear they want to be with you.

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5. Follow the signs

I believe that we all have an internal guidance system that intuitively knows what’s for our highest good. You know that feeling you get in your gut (good or bad) – that’s intuition trying to connect with you and provide you with crucial information.
In my book The Inner Fix, my co-author and I assert that ‘if you focus on the insides, the outsides will take care of themselves.’ Instead of obsessing over winning a guy over or how to get a boyfriend, prioritise your relationship with yourself. As your internal connection grows and evolves, you’ll start to experience a lot of synchronicity and coincidences because our external life is always a mirror of our internal one.I’ve always been obsessed with dinosaurs, and before I met Joey, I’d started to see pictures and images of them all over the place. I took this as a sign that I was in flow and moving the right direction – this was confirmed when we saw an extraordinary number of dinosaurs in our first few weeks of dating.It may sound a bit ‘out there’ but trying thinking about a sign for yourself (whatever just came to mind, that’s the one for you) and then keep an eye out for it in your day-to-day life. It’ll give you a little nudge that you’re on the right path and who knows? It could lead you straight to the boyfriend – and relationship – that you’ve always wanted!

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