Man leans against the window and looks thoughtful as an example of when you make plans but don't write them back
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We Made Plans and He/She Never Texted

by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

So, you’ve made an interesting connection, chatted for a bit and then agreed to a date. Only now you find yourself on the day of the date and no text. Just dead air. You’re wondering if, “That sounds like fun!” was even a “yes? Are they still interested in you? 

We made plans and he/she never texted has become something of a confusing modern dating story many can share. Well, in this modern dating etiquette guide, we explore how to handle this situation and what the other party may be thinking. 

Vague date plans vs. a confirmed date

The first thing you need to look at is what is your definition of, “We made plans and he/she never texted”?  Because that can be a somewhat vague concept. But let’s look at some specific scenarios and how to interpret them:

  • You made concrete plans – You’ve agreed on the specifics of your date beforehand and there’s no misunderstanding, this is a date to meet up romantically then there’s really no excuse for when a guy/a girl doesn’t confirm plans on the day. Either they’re very forgetful or just plain rude and it requires an explanation, so don’t be afraid to text them and ask for one.
  • You made plans for a specific date – So this is a bit more of a loose arrangement. Something like you two agreeing to meet up on Saturday or suggesting you go to a cafe, and they said yes. This one isn’t as straightforward. Have you been keeping contact? Perhaps they’re on the other side thinking you only made half-hearted plans and they’re also anxious about texting you.
  • You agreed on meeting sometime – “Let’s meet up sometime soon” is the lowest grade of plan-making. Unfortunately. You can’t really say ‘We made plans and he/she never texted’ While it’s still okay to be disappointed that nothing productive came of your interaction, they’re not really to blame. It may have even been them trying to avoid directly turning you down. But it can’t hurt to initiate a text and check with them again.  

As you can see, there are a lot of ways for you two to be on different pages regarding your plans.

We made plans and he/she never texted: Some possible reasons

Sometimes, when she or he hasn’t confirmed our date for today, there can be a reasonable explanation. Here are some possible answers to that frustrating scenario, we made plans and he/she never texted, and what it means.

They’re not text heavy and want to experience you first hand

Some types of people just aren’t that digitally connected either consciously or just because they’re somewhat old-fashioned. Their perspective may be that when plans are set, they’re set. No need to confirm. This is not a bad sign. It means they’re more into real human connections and just see technology as a way of arranging those experiences.  

They got distracted

It may be that they’re not really that into you, but it can also j be that the exterior world is constantly pressing on us, making demands and often getting in the way of things we enjoy. While it’s not fun being a second-hand thought, maybe try to see it as just a human foible unless they begin to make a habit of it.

They have too laidback an attitude toward dating

It’s the day of the date and no text? Try also looking at the other person’s personality. They may just have a very alternative approach to their schedule. As in, they may not have one. These kinds of people aren’t inconsiderate so much as disorganized, in general. So, they may have had no bad intentions but it’s up to you if you want to grow a relationship with a partner with that outlook.

They’re ghosting you

Sometimes the simplest but saddest answer to, we made plans and he/she never texted, is that they were just leading you on or just changed their mind at the last minute and didn’t think it was worth telling you. These ghosting people are toxic and selfish and you should consider the date they missed as a bullet dodged.

They’re waiting for you to confirm first

Try not to fall into heteronormative gender roles when it comes to this. Men don’t always have to be the ones to confirm. Some people are just shy, which may not be your type, but they’re hardly contemptible for not confirming first.   

Dating rules: 8 keys to finding someone special

If you haven’t dated in a while, you might wonder what the dating rules are in 2023, or if how to date has changed since the last time you were single. In this article, we’ll look at eight essential dating rules to help you in your search for that special someone.

Unconfirmed Dates: Embrace Your Self-Worth in Love

Rather than being hyperfocused on the ‘We made plans and he/she never texted’ narrative, just look at it as a natural stumbling block in your dating journey to find the right person for you. Because someone who doesn’t confirm with you and has no good excuse may not be them. 

And you may not believe you necessarily deserve the best from people, but you definitely deserve what’s best for you. And never underestimate that or allow a new romantic opportunity to make you compromise your sense of self and what you expect out of relationships. Love is worth a lot but not more than you. 

Sometimes though, it may take some more effort from you. Maybe they set the plans or they asked first but your response to vague date plans confused them. They may not know where they stand with you. So now you’re expecting this confirmation to come through any minute but they may be sitting there expecting the same thing. Some people are just more insecure or a bit socially oblivious so if you think there’s something there then take the initiative and text them.

Rather focus on people who stay connected throughout

Really, it’s more about your dating style than when a guy/a girl doesn’t confirm plans. If it feels like you can’t maintain healthy contact with this person and they aren’t respecting your time and expectations, then you already have your answer. Respect what you bring to the table and cut loose those who don’t or won’t meet your committal standards. 

At eharmony, we respect your time a lot. This is why we don’t waste it by just letting you loose on our platform but rather by providing you with a highly curated list of relationship-seeking singles who suit your personality and dating style, on a psychological level. Register today and see for yourself!

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