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What to Do When She’s More Successful

by eharmony Editorial Team - January 29, 2008

It's a sad fact that many men have a problem with successful women. Well guys, you don't have to be intimidated by an independent woman who brings home a lot of bacon. Check out these tips for dating professionally prominent women.

Like it or not, when it comes to dating our genders are not operating on a level playing field. While it’s perfectly culturally acceptable for a man to date a woman who is shorter than he is, makes less money than he does, and is generally considered less of a catch than the guy is, society would say that the opposite scenario opposite implies that the woman hasn’t done quite as well as she should have.

But what happens when you meet an amazing woman who just happens to look better on paper than you do? Are you supposed to just walk away? Or should you pursue and woo her regardless of what your pay stubs, bank statements, and portfolio say? In the new millennium, a time when men and women have equal earning power, when more and more husbands are opting to become stay-at-home dads and let their wives bring home the bacon, and when single women are putting off marriage and monogamy longer than previous generations, is dating a woman who makes more money than you still an issue? And if you happen to meet a savvy and successful woman who doesn’t care about who makes more money, is it still an ego-bruising deal-breaker for you, regardless of how amazingly sexy she is? What follows are some tips on how to date and mate a successful woman who just might earn more than you without killing your confidence.

Tip #1: Get to know her, not her bank account

Dating a woman who makes more money than you is not that different from dating a woman who makes less. Especially in the beginning as you get to know one another, she wants you to get to know her, not her bank account. Instead of focusing on how much she makes, look for shared interests and common goals. Rather than trying to impress her with lavish dinners and expensive gifts, seek out activities that you both enjoy without focusing on how much things cost.

Tip #2: Don’t be intimidated by her success

The truth is, most uber-successful women are used to dating (and dumping) men who feel inferior to them. Don’t be that guy. She’ll appreciate you that much more if you’re secure with yourself as well as with her financial success. Besides, there’s a lot more to taking care of a woman than financial support. A smart, successful woman is more apt to appreciate emotional intimacy with a secure man than a woman who’s looking for some guy to financially rescue her.

Tip #3: Be fiscally fit yourself

While the wrong kind of successful woman may be solely focused on how much you make, the right kind is far more interested in how you handle your money. Are you capable of living within your means, saving for the future, and investing wisely? If not, are you open to learning how to make the most of the money you have without feeling intimidated by what she already has?

Tip #4: Make time for each other

Just because a woman is financially independent of you doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you to be an integral part of her life. But because most successful women have busy careers (and so do you), finding time for one another may be challenging. However, it’s not impossible. It just takes compromise on both parts. Don’t expect her to constantly rearrange her schedule while yours stays intact. Instead, work together to make plans and rearrange schedules when necessary.

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Tip #5: Let her pay sometimes

The bonus of dating a successful woman is that your bank account doesn’t have to bear the brunt of your courtship. In letting her pay sometimes, you can sit back, relax, and enjoy getting to know the amazing woman sitting across from you–and still have enough cash for other things that are important to you. Like season tickets to see your favorite team play. Or more money in your 401K. Or that sports car you’ve been eyeing. Dating an incredible woman who’s successful AND having money left over? Talk about a win-win!

Always remember that it’s about the woman, not the bank statement. If she’s somebody worth wooing and pursuing, then you owe it to yourself to rise above the initial ego bruising and go for it! Besides, you may just discover that you like dating someone who’s equally, if not more, monetarily secure for all the financial freedom it affords you both.

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