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Why am I single? 10 common reasons some people are alone

by Ian Prior - May 14, 2021

Why people have different attitudes towards being single

Attitudes towards the single life are often a product of an individual’s history. Different life experiences mean people have different answers to the question ‘Why am I still single?’

They’ve lost a partner to death or divorce

Someone who has lost a beloved spouse is understandably going to take a long time to be ready for a relationship again, if ever. Equally, someone may shy away from dating after a divorce and prefer to be single rather than risk their heart again.

They haven’t found someone worth dating

While Hollywood makes it seem easy, the truth is a good relationship is hard to find and even harder to maintain. Between busy schedules, the vanishing odds of finding someone who’s single, available and a good fit, along with the frustration of dating, it’s no surprise some people prefer being single.

They’re happy the way they are

It’s hard for the happy couples to believe, but some people truly are single and happy. When they ask themselves ‘Why am I single?’ the answers are an affirmation: they’re content in their lives and feel no urge to upend them just to conform to societal expectations. For people like this, the worst part of being a party of one is that other people won’t leave them alone about it.

‘Why am I single?’ Two different views

Unfortunately, single shaming is alive, well, and a favorite pastime of far too many. But what such people don’t seem to understand is that there are many reasons for being single. People who ask themselves ‘Why am I still single?” can be broadly classified into two types: people who are single by choice and people who not.

4 Reasons for being single by choice

Many people willingly choose the single life. Here are just a few reasons:

  • They value their independence. People in relationships – good ones, anyway – take their partner into account in major decisions and often minor ones as well, and that’s something that not everyone is ready to do or, frankly, wants to do. Sometimes the ability to fly to Peru on a whim trumps someone to watch Netflix with.
  • They would rather spend their time and energy on friends and family. As a society, we have a tendency to downplay how important non-romantic relationships are, especially friendships. But for some people, they’d much rather spend their limited time with the people they love platonically.
  • For the health benefits. According to a University of Maryland survey of 13,000 people, singles exercised more regularly than their married counterparts. Singles were also reported to be having more sex than people with rings on, at least according to a recent NIH survey.
  • They’re genuinely happier on their own. It may be difficult to believe, but some people genuinely do prefer their own company. Plus, the argument can be made that it’s better to be luckily single than coupled up and miserable, regardless of society’s opinion on the matter.

6 Reasons for being single, but not by choice

On the other hand, many people are alone not by choice. Here are some of the reasons people may be single:

  • They haven’t found the right person yet. There are upwards of seven billion people in the world. That’s a really, really big dating pool. No matter how often they date, it’s going take some time to find your perfect match.
  • It’s hard to let go of being single. Every time they meet a potential partner, they, often subconsciously, sabotage the relationship because they’re not willing to give up the benefits of being single, such as independence.
  • Their standards are too high. We’re not saying they should elope with the next person who catches their eye. But some singles have such a long list of qualifications for their ‘perfect’ partner and therefore end up ignoring the many potential partners that could be the right fight for them.
  • They’re too busy. For some people, the demands of work, family, and hobbies mean they just don’t have time to look for someone, let alone date.
  • They mentally move too fast. One date, and they’re already thinking about marriage. Which means that they immediately hit the brakes with anyone who doesn’t seem like marriage material. As a result, they end up cutting themselves off from some potentially wonderful relationships.
  • They aren’t persistent enough. This is the flip side of the coin, where singles dismiss someone who doesn’t tick every box right away or just gives up trying after a few bad dates. With so many singles in the world, finding the one that is right for you is going to take some time and patience.

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’Why am I single?’ One question, many answers

It’s obvious that the question about why someone is single has as many answers as single people in the world. And while some people are perfectly content with their bachelor status, for those of you who would like a significant other, eharmony is a great way to meet compatible singles. So, ff you’re asking, ‘Why am I still single?’ sign up for eharmony and get started on your road to your next great relationship.

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