Man sits on bench facing away from woman as sign that he is not into you
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He’s not into you: 10 signs he just doesn’t think of you that way

by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

So you’ve met someone you really like … but you’re not sure the feeling is mutual. Or you’re in that honeymoon stage where you’re convinced you’ve met Mr Right, when what’s actually happened is that you’ve read the signals all wrong and he’s not into you. It doesn’t help that, as a general rule, guys are terrible communicators, which means you can be left analyzing his behavior for signs he’s not into you.

How do you know a guy’s not into you? Well, you could always ask, but if that feels like a nuclear option, here’s 10 signs to look out for… as well as what to do when he’s not interested any more.

1. He never calls or texts first

How do you know someone is not into you? You’re always the one initiating conversations, whether it’s a text, a call, or a DM. He’s also slow about responding, if he does at all. If he were interested he’d make the effort, even if he otherwise isn’t much for chatting on the phone or texting.

How to deal: Don’t fall into the trap of thinking texting him more will make things better. If he doesn’t respond in a timely manner, or you’re the one taking all the initiative, take the hint and move on. 

2. He doesn’t pay attention to you

A major sign he’s not into you? When you’re together, his attention is anywhere but on you. It could be his phone, other people, whatever’s playing on radio … just not you. Someone who is interested will keep their focus on you – they may not be able to focus on anything else! – and if they can’t? That’s one of the bigger signs he’s not interested.

How to deal: Don’t make an issue of it in public; instead, talk to him about it later. It’s possible he’s just having a bad day. 

3. He flirts with other people when you’re around

This isn’t a general sign he’s not into you. But if everyone else is getting the extra-bright smile and witty chat, it’s cause for concern, especially if you’re not in an open relationship.

How to deal: Don’t get jealous; that’ll just give him an excuse to break up with you. Instead, try being flirty yourself and see how he likes the shoe on the other foot. 

4. He doesn’t make an effort

Some guys are just inherently casual. But most guys who’re interested in you will put at least a little thought and effort into their appearance, even if it’s just a clean shirt and checking there’s nothing in their teeth. If he can’t be bothered, you’ve probably got another sign he’s not into you.

How to deal: Suggest a date that involves dressing up (a nice dinner, a play, or some other formal occasion) and see his reaction.

5. He doesn’t make you feel special

A guy who likes you will make sure you know it, whether it’s with compliments, gifts, or thoughtful gestures. Even if they don’t always get it right, the intention is there. If you can’t remember the last time he did something extra for you, it’s one of the major signs your date is not into you.

How to deal: Drop a not-very-subtle hint about your preferences and see if he picks it up. 

6. For him, it’s just a sex thing

Sometimes, sex is all you want from a relationship. But what if he’s only there for the physical connection and runs away from the idea of anything deeper? Or if he’s always down to Netflix and chill but mysteriously busy any other time? Consider that he’s not into you for anything but a booty call.

How to deal: Decide if a physical connection is enough for you. If it is, great! If not, decision time on whether you want to continue the relationship. 

7. He avoids talk of the future

Guys being commitment-phobes is a well-worn joke. However, if you’re wondering how to tell he’s not into you, he’s not going talk about a future together. Even if he doesn’t shut any conversation down outright, he’ll likely deflect or make a joke of it. While living in the moment is something we could all aspire to, refusing to talk about the future at all is a major sign he’s not into you.

How to deal: Make your own future plans, with or without this guy. 

8. He doesn’t get jealous

How do you know when he’s not into you? There’s no jealousy. Nobody likes being with a possessive caveman but a little jealousy can be a confidence booster. After all, he wouldn’t be jealous if you weren’t worth being jealous over. So when your man sees other people flirting or hitting on you and his reaction is basically a shrug emoji? It might be that he’s secure… or he’s not into you enough to care.

How to deal: Talk to him about it; there might be a communication gap here. 

9. He’s never there when it matters

In Taylor Swift’s song ‘The Moment I Knew’, it’s her boyfriend not showing up at her birthday party. If your date bails on significant occasions, or ‘forgets’ them in the first place, it’s a red flag. Yes, he may be busy, but this might also be yet another sign he’s not into you.

How to deal: If you suspect it’s simple forgetfulness, suggest a shared calendar so neither of you misses important milestones. 

10. You have a gut feeling

Sometimes our subconscious is aware of the truth before we’re willing to face it. You know instinctively this relationship is going nowhere, even as you stubbornly refuse to believe he’s not into you. Eventually, you’ll have to accept the truth. Listen to your instincts, they’re often more right than you know.

How to deal: Talk to a friend about your gut feelings. If he or she thinks they’re valid, they probably are. 

Does He Like Me?

Wondering how to catch the signs that he’s into you? Read on to know the classic signals that a guy displays.

Let the fact that he’s not into you be a new beginning

It can be hard to accept the signs he’s not into you; so much of our self-worth is tied up in our relationships. However, staying in a dead-end relationship does nobody any good. You deserve a deep, fulfilling relationship with someone who shares your values and goals – the kind of relationship you can find on eharmony. Our matching system helps you find eligible singles who’re looking for an authentic relationship, just like you. So sign up for eharmony today.

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