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by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

We all have our own unique dating mindset. This relates to how you approach your love life and includes the type of partners you go for, the methods and channels you use to build intimacy, and how you behave during the initial dating process.

Many of the best ways to improve your dating mindset are linked to better ways of socializing and growing your self-esteem. If you feel like your current mindset isn’t getting you the relationships you’re looking for, take a look at some of our tips for more healthy dating approaches. 

9 easy tips to improve your dating mindset

Patterns for healthy dating and relationships can require a bit of work. Some of us have spent years creating toxic dating patterns and negative pathways in how we approach our romantic life.

Here are some practical and actionable ways to improve your dating mindset without compromising what makes you special:

1. You can’t have a healthy dating mindset until you learn to love yourself.

Take stock of what makes you special and the unique qualities you bring to a relationship. Never enter a relationship with low self-worth and take some time to work on you

2. Know when you need to take a break and recharge. You don’t always have to be searching.

Sometimes, particularly after a bad relationship, the best thing you can do is hit the pause button and taking a break from dating. This can help you figure out where it’s going wrong and give you time to heal from the emotional wounds, the obvious ones and the more hidden scars

3. Try to look at how you talk about dating to your friends and family (and even other dates).

This is your dating mindset. Is it always doom and gloom? Are the apps always a dead zone? Could you swear every eligible partner is already taken? These outlooks, beyond being patently untrue, just create a consistent negativity around the idea of dating. You can’t find who you’re looking for if you’re not even rooting for yourself

4. Not all dates have to be the one.

There’s joy in the search, and interesting conversation and experiences to be had on your journey to the person you really belong with. Learn to enjoy dates, to welcome the idea of getting to know new people and accept that some dates are just going to be an interesting story for your friends. Ups and downs, embrace it all

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5. Just because it’s an adventure doesn’t mean you have to explore every dungeon.

Be considerate about who you give your time to as part of improving your dating mindset. This means becoming more mindful of red flags or incompatibilities. You’re an adult with a lot of demands on your life, don’t make a bad relationship one of them. When you spot things on a date that you know are dealbreakers for you, just make the decision to nip it in the bud. Attraction and sustainability are two very different things

6. Don’t live in the past.

It can be easy to dwell on former relationships but it’s important to also let them go. The wrong mindset for healthy dating and relationships can leave you stuck in a pattern where you keep expecting the same results. Approach love with a clean slate and, most importantly, forgive yourself for your past mistakes

7. Make sure you have realistic expectations from dating.

Not every frog will be a prince. Date realistically within your own timeframe and emotional bandwidth and be ready to give people a chance. Some people can grow on you and love can sometimes come from the most unexpected sources. So ask yourself: are my standards too high?

8. While it can be fun to play games in dating they are ultimately an impediment to your romantic contentment.

The more obstacles you put between you and them, the more you’re planning for failure. Try to adopt a healthy dating mindset of communication and openness. Not only will you quickly gather whether you’d be a good pairing but it will also feel like you two are on the same page and no one is investing too much in something that isn’t happening

Tips for keeping an open mind

Are you approaching the dating scene with a checklist in hand? Do your dates need to meet a certain criteria–or else? If so, it’s time to break your own mold and approach the dating scene with an open mind.

9. Lastly, you need to realize that a partner isn’t the solution to all your problems.

They don’t deserve for you to put your entire emotional sense of self on them and it’s no way to live your life either. Always make sure to keep working on every area in your life for healthier romantic relationships

There are dozens of other tips we could give you but improving your dating mindset is also a journey of self-discovery that’s different for everyone. 

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Get a healthy dating mindset and discover true compatibility

Changing how you approach dating, putting conscious efforts into shifting your dating mindset and seeing it for an enriching process is the first step to not only enjoying dating but also finding someone compatible.

eharmony can help. We filter for quality over quantity by focusing only on bringing together like-minded singles with compatible personalities and a desire for something deeper, more lasting and authentic. So make the most of your dating life and find people worth your time. Try eharmony today.

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