How to get a guy to ask you out following these steps

How to get a guy to ask you out when you think you might like him? It’s not that difficult, as long as you make the right moves and entice his interest.

When you’re a woman, social norms can make you feel like making the first move comes across as desperate or inappropriate. While gender dating standards are certainly changing, many singles are more comfortable with these things moving along at a natural pace, while subtly influencing the course as you find your path to each other.

And that doesn’t mean there’s something inherently inactive about how to get someone to ask you out. In fact, women end up doing a lot of the work, even if it’s not actually asking the person out, through confidence, nuanced psychology, and subtly steering interactions. Here’s our step-by-step guide for taking more control of your part.

Understanding his mindset

Looking at the issue from both sides when figuring out how to get a guy to ask you out can help you gain empathy and useful insights into the male mindset in dating. Putting aside the flirtatious banter and natural chemistry you feel, the actual sentence, “Would you like to go out some time?” can sometimes feel like the natural conclusion of your conversation, but rejection is still a notion of risk for men.

While you’re trying to figure out how to get him to ask you out, he may be contemplating the potential blow to his ego and the social fallout of you saying no, however remote the chances of rejection may be. This may be part of why men are shown to be more comfortable with risk-seeking behaviour in studies:¹

However, this is just an average. Another survey found that 16% preferred to be the one asked.² You can help lower this perceived risk by being more meaningful and direct in your efforts when you two interact. The less clear or consistent your cues and indications of interest are, the more uncertain they’ll feel about their chances, slowing the process down for no reason.

Some men are generally just shy or experience more social anxiety in these situations than others. They may only feel this way around acquaintances and will grow more comfortable with you over time, opening up. Try to consider this when asking yourself how to get a guy to ask you out and try to do your part. This is what we cover in the remaining steps.

Send subtle signals

There’s nothing wrong with helping things along by being proactive. This isn’t how to make a man want to date you, but rather simply removing any unnecessary obstacles to your connection by giving signals of safety and openness.

Here are some inviting behaviors you can try to assure them:

• Laugh at his jokes enthusiastically.
• Try to position yourself physically close to them.
• Give them the right kind of compliments. It’s important to be casual and not too aggressive.
• Interact with their social media profiles regularly. Like their posts, leave a cute comment, drop them the occasional DM.

There are also signs you can look for that indicate he’s into you but waiting for the right moment. So, try to help make one when figuring out how to get a guy to ask you out. But what do you say? Try these:

• “What are you up to this weekend?”
• “Oh, you’ve mentioned that before. You have to show it to me some time.”
• If you have mutual interest, “Hey, I heard that [insert performers here] is playing in this city this weekend. Sounds so exciting.”

Evidence of existing attraction can include social proof, like you two often being seen together by other people. Another basic one is that you both feel naturally comfortable and open with each other.

Playing hard to get can sometimes work, but it can obviously get in the way of figuring out how do you get someone to ask you out, in favor of cultivating more interest and romantic tension.

Show it with body language

Body language plays a huge role in everyday interactions. Much of it is unconscious, so people find it more trustworthy. So often when you’re figuring out how to get a guy to ask you out, your positive body language is already doing most of the work for you.

But here’s how to take a more active role and use body language that expresses genuine attraction, according to studies³⁴:

• Both men and women are more attracted to open, dominant and expansive postures in conversation. So don’t fold your arms or minimize your posture during interactions.
• Sudden pupil dilation can be difficult to notice, but it’s a crucial indicator of sexual interest.
• Mirroring someone’s behavior and posture can often help them feel more comfortable.
• When we’re talking to someone we like, we often point our feet toward them.
• Warm and sustained eye contact can often play a big part in assessing and cultivating attraction. So if you’re thinking about how do you get someone to ask you out, focus on the signals of the whole body.
• As mentioned, try to stand close. Proximity in communication plays a big role.
• Try to initiate subtle touch, if it feels appropriate. This can be hard to judge, but start small, like touching their arm when you laugh at one of their jokes – and gauge their reaction.

In general, when you’re looking at how to get a guy to ask you out, your body language and facial expressions should start with a relaxed posture and gentle smiling expressions.

Be memorable

Modern dating itself can be a crowded space where potential connections are often missed, even after you’ve figured out how to get a man to ask you out. Firstly, don’t be afraid to show your true self. Having a unique personality can make an impression, revealing where your senses of humor align and fostering intimacy earlier.

Being memorable can make getting to that first date that much simpler. A very easy way to accomplish this is to ask questions. Make sure they’re the right kind of questions that show a deep curiosity about him. Ask him open-ended questions about his hopes and dreams and, most importantly, ask him things other people don’t. That will make him feel truly seen and elicit an emotional connection that will feel unique.

You’ll also want to try to hit the right emotional tone if you’re looking at how to get a guy to ask you out.  Looking at Plutchik’s wheel of emotions⁵ which covers a variety of emotional ranges, you’ll want to aim to keep conversations in the territories of vigilance, ecstasy and admiration. However, to be truly memorable and ensure positive psychological associations with your interactions, focus on expressing louder sub-emotions like genuine excitement, anticipation and joy.

But dating is also about your inner self, passions and interests, so don’t hesitate to put them on display. A way to do this that people really engage with is through storytelling. Tell them a funny anecdote that speaks to the heart of your personality more authentically. Let them infer who you are through these stories rather than outright telling them.

Knowing how long to wait for a guy to ask you out

So how long is this dance supposed to last before you find out, does he like me? While it varies, if it isn’t progressing at all, or it is but seems stuck at a certain emotional plateau, it should become less about how to drop a hint to a guy and more about how to force some kind of decision out of him – or cut your losses. It’s important to respect both your boundaries when you make this move, as it can have emotional blowback.

The unfortunate answer may end up being that he’s just not that into you. Here are a few ways to check.

Good signs	Bad signs
You catch him looking at you.	He speaks to you like other close acquaintances.
He jokes a lot with you and seems preoccupied with entertaining you.	He talks about problems in his love life with you.
He pays special attention to you.	He doesn’t ask deep questions about you.
He tries to emulate your emotions during conversation.	He doesn’t make any effort to introduce you to his social circle.

You could try being more direct if you’re bored with the how to get a guy to ask out part and just want to get to the date part already. Taking the initiative and learning how to ask a guy out is a brave alternative and one that truly affirms your sense of agency over your dating life. If that’s too direct for you, try gently pivoting interactions by instead suggesting a platonic meet-up like an interest you share and seeing if anything more comes of that.

It’s about how to get a guy to ask you out and stay interested

If you think you like a guy but you’re stuck wondering, “why hasn’t he asked me out yet?”, it may be that you’re not doing enough to show him the interest and attraction is mutual. Use the time you do have together to not only signal your romantic interest more obviously, but also to cultivate a greater degree of openness and intimacy.

It’s important not to resort to pushy, passive-aggressive or emotionally toxic behaviors, like mind-games. The first steps in your story should be positive ones. And remember that even if it ends up fizzling out with no results, it’s not a big deal either. The important thing is you weren’t passive in the situation and didn’t invest your sense of self-worth into where it’s not reciprocated.

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